How Leopardstar Took Over the Clans
by Falco aesalon
Summary: The title says it all.  Sequel to events in Chapter 2 of Things Firestar Should Never Do.  One-shot.  Rating for mild violence, a surfeit of randomness and general insanity.


I have no idea when this takes place (obviously after Onestar's victory over Mudclaw and before Leopardstar's death)

EDIT: An anonymous reviewer reminded me that mint Mentos and Diet Coke actually do explode so I fixed it to have Firestar using Mentos and Coke.

Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors, Mentos, Coke, Diet Coke, Nerf or Lucky Charms.

VIRTUAL LEOPARDSTAR PLUSHIES TO THOSE WHO REVIEW! THIS IS A LIMITED TIME OFFER AND WILL ONLY LAST FOR ONE SECOND AFTER YOU HAVE FINISHED READING THIS STORY.

WARNING: Although favoriting is deeply encouraged, I advise you not to put this story on _Story Alert_ because, while I appreciate the fact that it means you enjoyed this story, I will not be updating this story. After all, I'd look like an idiot if I said it was a one-shot and then updated it anyway.

**The Television of Doom, or How Leopardstar Took Over the Clans**

Flashback...

Leopardstar: Muahahaha! That television I sent Firestar is working! Soon, Firestar, Blackstar and Onestar will all melt, and RiverClan will dominate the lake! Muahahahaha!

Firestar, Blackstar, and Onestar two moons later…

Firestar: I feel... an odd warm sensation.

Blackstar: Yes. I feel it too.

Onestar: AAAAAH! IT'S BURNING! HELP ME!

Firestar and Blackstar and Onestar: I'M MELTING! (they all melt from watching too much TV)

Leopardstar: (walks into den) Hahaha. They are finished. Now, for the deputies. Then, I will kill all cats who refuse to join RiverClan! Muahahahaha!

...

Leopardstar sent a television to each deputy; Brambleclaw, Russetfur and Ashfoot.

It only took them one week of watching the television to melt. Ever since then, all cats lived in fear of Leopardstar and RiverClan. If any cat who refused to obey their demands was thrown in the heavily guarded "dungeon" and forced to watch television until melting.

One day, Firestar, Blackstar and Onestar returned from beyond the grave to get revenge on Leopardstar and break her control over the clans.

...

"Ooh, shiny!" purred Firestar.

"Firestar, pay attention!" snapped Blackstar.

"But it's soooo shiny!"

"We have to destroy this thing," said Onestar. "It's the only way. I'm sorry, Firestar. But we must destroy it."

"Nooooo! Whyyyyyyy must we destroy the Great ?"

"Firestar!" snarled Blackstar. "FOCUS!"

"Focus! Right! I can do that!"

"Alright, Firestar," said Blackstar. "We need you to distract Leopardstar while we figure out a way to destroy this thing."

"But shouldn't we save the distracting until we know how we're going to destroy the television-?" began Onestar.

"The GREAT Television!" yowled Firestar. "Get it right!"

"Sorry, Firestar. But we do have to destroy it."

Firestar's eyes turned glassy. "Destroy?" he asked.

Blackstar and Onestar exchanged a glance before looking at Firestar and saying "Yes."

Firestar pulled out a tube of mint Mentos and a bottle of Diet Coke.

"I LOVE Mentos!" exclaimed Onestar.

"Firestar," said Blackstar nervously. "What are you?..."

"Can I have a Mento?" asked Onestar. "Pleeeeeease?"

Firestar opened the coke, put some Mentos in it, closed it, shook it up, pointed it at the television – excuse me the Great Television.

"Take cover!" Blackstar yowled. Onestar grabbed the leftover Mentos as they he and Blackstar leaped behind a pile of sandbags that were so conveniently in the room.

"Fire in the hole!" Firestar yowled. He prepared to open the Coke bottle, but then...

"HOW DARE YOU!" screeched an all-too-familiar voice. "HOW DARE YOU DESTROY MY TELEVISION!"

"Uhhhh... It's an experiment?" suggested Firestar.

"SILENCE!" I killed you once and I will do it again! With pleasure," Leopardstar said as she unsheathed her claws. As she leapt at Firestar, a large white and black shape hurled itself at Leopardstar, knocking her off course.

"Blackstar?" she gasped.

"It's me," he said.

"Oh, I see!" said Leopardstar. "You're getting back together to get revenge on me, how cute. SHOW YOURSELF, ONESTAR!"

Blackstar growled at Leopardstar as Onestar came out from behind the sand bags, eating the leftover Mentos. Firestar looked up from the tuna sandwich he was eating.

"Sorry," he meowed. "What did I miss?"

Blackstar and Onestar rolled their eyes. Leopardstar looked angry.

"PREPARE TO MEET THY DOOM!" screeched Firestar, Blackstar and Onestar.

"RIVERCLAN WARRIORS ATTACK!" screeched Leopardstar.

Before they knew it, the former clan leaders found themselves surrounded by RiverClan warriors.

...

"What happened next?" the kits asked, their eyes wide.

"Well," said Brambleclaw, "Me, Russetfur, Ashfoot and all the other cats Leopardstar killed came down from StarClan to fight her warriors."

"Did you win?" asked one particularly rambunctious kit."

"Of course they did, Falconkit, or they wouldn't be here now," said another.

"You're right, Morningkit. We did survive. But the battle was fierce..."

...

Suddenly, Brambleclaw, Russetfur, Ashfoot and all the other cats Leopardstar killed burst into the dungeon. The Leopardstar's warriors quickly surrendered in the face of cats armed with Nerf guns. Wait, no they didn't.

They pulled out their machine guns and began shooting. Unfortunately, they hit the Coke bottle, which burst open and exploded, rendering the television unusable.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Leopardstar.

Firestar stepped forward. "You no longer have control over the warrior clans of the lake. StarClan shall decide on your punishment."

"NO! YOU CAN'T GET ME LUCKY CHARMS!" screeched Leopardstar. She ran off into the night and was never more seen in the world.

...

The moral of this gruesome story, my dear children, is never to watch too much television. If you do, you will- OHMIGOSH LOOK! The Erin Hunter's are on TV! *drool*

And remember, you will receive your virtual Leoparstar plushie upon reviewing this story. It would make the author extremely happy should you spend a few precious seconds submitting feed back to the author. However, there is a 100% chance that the transfer of the virtual Leopardstar plushie may fail. Should the transfer fail, mischiefmanaged101 and those affiliated with her cannot be held responsible for Leopardstar plushies that have not been received. Thank you for your cooperation.

This message and the ones above it are meant purely for the amusement of the readers as well as the author and in no way does this mean that the author is a TV addict nor does it attempt to patronize the readers. Nor do we pretend that we were actually handing out Leopardstar plushies, mainly because of the fact that we have not been authorized to produce such objects and doing so would result in a major lawsuit that we wish to avoid.

...

If you did not find any of the above messages amusing in any way, I'd apologize, but it is simply the product of my sleep deprived brain and cannot be avoided. And I also apologize about the Leopardstar plushies, if you have not by now realized that it is a joke. Thanks for reading, and reviews _are_ appreciated! (I wasn't kidding about that)


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